This Buffalo Life Blog


Not What, But WHO

personal development

Feeling fulfilled as a mom is possible and you don’t have to wait for your kids to fall asleep or move out. It is possible for you to do what you want, even if you have kids at home.


I am living proof. I have 6 kids and one is not in school yet, and I can tell you, having one kid home is way more work than having all 6 home.


If you want to be able to do your own thing, you have to plan for it and make it happen. The first step is getting your values on your calendar. We talked about this. Even if you’re not using an actual calendar, if someone was to take a snapshot of how you spent your time last week, it will reveal your values.

You might think you value one thing, but if you’re not actually spending time on that value, you have some adjustments to make.

If those values don't match with the life you want to be living, that’s not a problem. It just shows there's work to do.

First, know what you value and spend time in those areas.

The second step is your mindset. We also talked about this. You have to uncover what you’re currently thinking about your time and what you think is possible for you. You want a vision of where you want to go, what you want your life to be about.

This means you actually have to know what you want.

So many clients come to me and they don’t even know what they want. It’s uncharted territory.

They’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else and meeting everyone else’s needs, they haven’t taken the time to even consider what they want.

They think there just isn’t time. They feel too exhausted at the end of the day and they think it doesn’t really matter if they don’t do anything for themselves.

And that brings us to step three.

Step three is about WHO you are being. It’s your character.

There is a reason you don’t feel fulfilled.

There is a reason your mind is distracted.

Your brain will feed you all sorts of crap about how what you want is too expensive or it takes too much time and you should just be content with what you have.

But the reason you keep thinking something else is simply because you are out of alignment.

I want you to imagine you are on your way to Phoenix, AZ. You’re meeting some friends for a girls get-away. You’re feeling excited and you can’t wait to be with all these wonderful women. You know it’s going to be amazing. You already feel taken care of and heard.

But when you get off the plane, it’s not sunny and warm. It’s cold and windy.

You’re confused and disappointed. You have a sinking feeling that it’s not going to be as great as you thought it would be.

This is what I’m talking about.

We have all these hopes and dreams and desires. Ambitions.

We think our life is going to be so amazing, and then something happens and we DECIDE that we are wrong.


We decide that it's not going to work out, that we can't do what we want.

There’s two things that need to happen here.

You want to decide consciously WHO you are and WHERE you’re going so you can give yourself a chance at success.

Because here’s what’s amazing. The universe is always a match for you.

When you decide you have to deal with it, how do you feel? How does that impact your vacation?

Versus, when you decide you are going to have an amazing time regardless of the weather. How differently would you feel? Can you see how that would create a different experience?

And the other part, the where, sometimes all you need is to adjust your compass. You might realize you got on the wrong plane or that you actually have a layover.

Sometimes we head in the wrong direction without realizing it. And then we stop and look around and we wonder how we got there.

I think there is value in understanding that. There is value in knowing how you came to be where you are.

Because if you don’t know how you got there, you’re not going to feel like you’re in control.

And yes, as a woman of faith, I believe that God has a plan for each one of us.

But you still have a choice.

Every moment you have the ability to choose.

You can continue as you’ve always continued, oblivious to how you got where you are, feeling like life just happens, OR you can decide to choose something different.

And so you go back to step one. What do you value? Get clear on what you want your life to be about. Recalibrate. Start letting those values show up on your calendar.

Spend time thinking about who you were that got you where you are and how is she different from who you want to be that will get you where you want to go.

This is deep work.

It takes time and patience.


And here’s why it’s so important.

The more time you spend figuring out WHO you want to be and practicing showing up as HER, the more you will shift your energy.

When you change the who, you change your energy.

Your energy, how you feel, or your state of being (think: the human you are being), determines what’s next.

But I want to caution you here.

I’m not saying you need to be the super happy mom who has it all together all the time. We’re not striving for perfection. That’s not the point.

If that’s what you’re aiming for, you’re going to fail. You’re going to wonder why it’s so hard to keep it up.

Because the truth is that life is 50/50.

It’s actually impossible to be happy 100% of the time.

So you also want to think about who you would be (as your ideal self) when things don't go as you planned.

Who do you want to be when the washer quits working and you’ve got morning sickness and the sink is full of dishes and you have no idea what’s for dinner and the kids are hungry and your husband is about to walk in the door.

This is probably not a time that you want to put on rose colored glasses and find the silver lining.

You have to give yourself permission to feel badly some of the time.

It’s okay.

Because if you never let yourself feel the negative emotion that comes up for you, your subconscious mind will hang on to it and store it in your body.

When you work with me, I teach you how to process emotions.


Ready for some homework?

Who are you now, and who do you want to be?

If this is really challenging for you, think about someone you admire. What qualities do they have?

It’s not so much about what time they wake up or how clean they keep their house. This is about CHARACTER. Your self concept.

The more time you spend BEING who you want to be, the faster your life will change.

The universe is always a match.

I remember a story where this young man did some personal development and then he got fired from his job. He was doing it too well, and his manager was afraid this man was going to take his place. So this man went out and found a better paying job. He literally became too good for where he was. Sometimes when things don’t work out for us, it’s because God has something better in store.

The only thing you have to worry about is who you are being.

Every action you take should come from who you want to be.

You want to be so familiar with her that you become unavailable to your current life.

Not because there’s anything wrong with the way your life is right now. (You CANNOT be in a rush. You will burn yourself out.)

There is so much to the who.

If you enjoyed this and you feel like this is work you want to do, I would love to support you. We can have a conversation and talk about who you are and who you want to be and I’ll help you understand how to become her.

This conversation is available to you for free.

Having this conversation will save you time. It will get you on the path you want to be on so you can head in the right direction.

If you’re interested, click here to schedule your free session for clarification and direction.


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