Why We Lack Self-Confidence


When you start working on your self-confidence and building your trust in yourself, everything is going to come up. This is totally normal. Remember this is how the brain works! It’s going to be looking for reasons why you aren’t self-confident and it’s going to tell you why you’re not.

Today I’m uncovering 6 reasons why we lack self-confidence and my solution for each one.

1| We don’t trust ourselves

If you didn’t read last weeks post, go check it out. You have to start trusting yourself before you can start being confident. When we don’t trust ourselves we have a low opinion of ourselves. 

You have to raise your opinion of yourself. You have to decide that you are going to be in control and take responsibility for your life.

2| we don’t know how to manage our minds

Remember how the brain works? It’s default is to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and use the least amount of energy possible. That worked fine back in the day, but now we need to do the opposite, and we need help doing it. I can help you. Schedule a consult if you want more help.

3| we feel out of control of our feelings and actions

When we feel out of control it feels like life is happening to us and not for us. I want to help you get to the place of life happening FOR you. I want you to be the one driving the car, navigating where you want to take your life.

4| we let ourselves down

You guys. This is a killer. We tell ourselves we are going to do something and then we go and do something else. And then our brain lets off with all this negative self talk about how we should have done the other thing and how horrible we are and how we are stupid and we should know better and all those other thoughts that seem to run on their own, causing shame and self-doubt. It’s time to stop the cycle.

5| we are afraid of feeling emotions

Maybe we have a certain style of clothing that we are really drawn to, but we aren’t allowing ourselves to wear that style because we are afraid of what others will think about us.

What does that feel like? You’re insecure, you’re doubtful, and there’s a whole slew of emotions that’s going to come up for you.

But what do we actually do? When you want to wear something and you tell yourself you can’t and you’re left with negative emotion, you’re going to want to cheer yourself up. So maybe you treat yourself with a Frappiccino and then you beat yourself up over the calories.

What if it didn’t have to be like this? What if you were willing to feel every emotion, no matter what?

What if you were willing to show up as who you are, wearing the outfit, and feel all the feelings. And if other people don’t like you, that’s on them, not you.

You have to practice feeling your emotions, no matter what they are from. Stop questioning your worth and start growing your ability to trust yourself.

6| we are perfectionists

We like order. We like the details. We think it’s pointless to be less than perfect. In fact, if it can’t be perfect, then why do it all? We spend hours perfecting the picture, the words, the letter. 

Maybe we aren’t even letting our kids play because we are trying to have a perfect home.

Maybe we aren’t having company because we are waiting for the perfect home.

Perfection is a killer.

When you’re not having company and you’re picking up the toys before the kids are done playing, you’re missing out on so many special memories. 

When you’re not going outside of your comfort zone, you’re not experiencing growth. We are too caught up in being perfect.

Think about a baby learning to walk. She is far from perfect when she takes her first steps. But the only way for her to become a ‘perfect’ walker is to take those shaky first steps, no matter how they look or how many times she falls down.

This is a big one for me. We have to let go of perfection as part of the process of gaining confidence.

do the work

So these 6 things, not trusting ourselves, not managing our minds, feeling out of control, letting ourselves down, not feeling our emotions, and trying to be perfect, these are all things that are keeping us from growing our self-confidence.

Work on these 6 things. Do thought downloads on them.

Start overcoming them and you will grow your self-confidence.