What to do When You Don't Want to Feel Better
Yesterday I had one of those really bad days where all you want to do is stay in bed until tomorrow. Only you can't stay in bed because you are a mom. You have a family and a million tasks to do and the world needs you to go on.
What do you do when you have days like that? When you know you need to change how you are feeling, but you don't really even want to feel better. You just want to be alone, but the thoughts you are entertaining are not good thoughts and you know you need to get yourself out of your funk.
Today I'm sharing three tips to help you to want to want to feel better. You have to first want to feel better before you can begin to feel better. Sometimes that is the hardest step.
1| recognize your feeling
The first step is to really recognize what you are feeling. Name it. Find the one word that describes what you are experiencing. Then, what does it actually feel like? So often when we have days like I had, what happens is that we spend the whole day avoiding the feeling, and we end up not even knowing what feeling we are trying so hard to avoid.
Name your feeling and describe how it feels in your body.
2| allow your feeling
As soon as you know what feeling is actually coming up for you, you can make space for it. Allow it. Have compassion for yourself. You have to give yourself time to feel your emotion because in feeling it, you will come to understand it.
If you want to get past the feeling, you have to understand the root cause of your feeling. You can do this by doing a thought download and allowing the feeling to come. Be curious about why you are experiencing it.
Remember, our feelings are caused by our thoughts. This is so important to remember. It has nothing to do with what is going on in our lives and everything to do with what we are thinking about what is going on in our lives. Did you get that? Read it again. The way you are feeling has nothing to do with what is going on in your life and everything to do with what you are thinking about what is going on in your life. It is so important to make that distinction because then you can find the thought that is causing your feeling.
3| decide how you want to feel
As soon as you know the root cause of what you are feeling and you have given yourself time to feel your emotion, you can move beyond it. You do this by using that thought that is triggering your feeling. What are the facts of that thought?
You have to neutralize that thought so you can decide how you want to feel. I like to decide this by thinking about my future. Now the thing with your future is that it is only in your mind, you so have full control here on what you want it to be like.
This could be tomorrow, next week, next month, the end of this year. It could be three years from now, or five. Maybe ten years from now.
So what I do is I take my thought, which for me was, I want a different life, and I think about how I want to feel about that thought in my future. How do I want tomorrow to be better than today? I can have a different life tomorrow by changing my experience (or my thought).
How do I want to feel about my life at the end of this month? At the end of this year? And so on.
What happens is that this totally changes my brain. Now, instead of wallowing in self-pity and only focusing on what I don't like about my life, I get to imagine my life at my level ten.
And when you can imagine a better life, you can start making better decisions to bring you closer to that life.
Now, there is one thing important here that I want to point out. Because we are human, we always have the opportunity to have a better future. We have the ability to grow and evolve to our next best self.
But, that doesn't mean that we will be happier there than we are here. You don't wan to fall into this imaginary world as a way to escape your life as it is now.
And that is the whole point of the buffalo. You have to find abundance with what you have now because that is the only way to get there.
So let me recap a bit.
You feel like crap, and you don't really care to feel better.
Then you identify what you are actually feeling and you allow yourself to feel the emotion instead of avoiding it.
You figure out the root cause of your feeling, and you neutralize it so you can decide how you want to feel about it.
You want a better future, so you think of a better one.
Now you are at this place of feeling like your future is going to be great, if you'll ever get there.
Here's the thing.
You will get there if you can enjoy here.
You have to enjoy where you are right now.
So for me, I had to enjoy my life as it is right now. This means I have to find joy in my house, my family, my daily routines, my everything. And if I'm going to enjoy what I have now, I have to know that I would choose it again.
So you start to look for the reasons why you would choose it again.
You start to see the experiences you have gone through and how they have been beneficial to you and your journey.
You start to let go of the Jones's and what they are doing and how far ahead of you they are.
You think about your life, and you find your abundance. Your love.
And then all the sudden, that feeling that you want to feel is available to you.
That is when the magic happens, my friends.
Feelings are everything.
They drive your actions and they produce the results you have in your life.
This is what you do when you don't want to feel better, but you know you need to feel better.
Put this into practice
Remember, the solution to everything lies in your thoughts because it's your thoughts that are going to produce your feelings.
So take whatever you're experiencing right now and really figure out what the feeling is.
If you weren't avoiding anything, what would you be feeling?
Allow yourself to feel it so you can understand what is causing it.
Decide how you want to feel about it by neutralizing it and thinking about your future.
This is so much better than running away.
Do this my friends, and you will live a better life.
Alright, I've added a worksheet for this post in the Resource Library because I really want you to go through this process when you don't feel like feeling better.
The worksheet is called Feel Better Now.
If you're on my email list, you have access to this. Sign up if you're not a member! It's free!