What to do When Things Feel Pointless
Do you ever wake up and just not want to get out of bed? Sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day. It's not because I'm tired. It's more like I'm weary. Like what's the point of doing another day when it's just going to be like the last one and at the end of the day you can't tell anything was done.
Like every time you clean, someone comes behind you and messes it up. You never get to enjoy having a clean house. Every time you sit down to read your book, somebody spills something and you have to get up and clean up the mess.
I know you've had days where everything just feels pointless. I think this is part of motherhood. Sometimes we want to throw in the towel. But, deep down, we know we never will. For some reason, it's always worth it in the end. I promise. But motherhood doesn't have to be bittersweet. Today I want to share with you some tips for when you do feel like it's pointless. I want you to be able to recognize your feelings right away, and know what to do to get back into the groove of your life.
There are three areas I will focus on for this post. The first is understanding what is making everything feel pointless in the first place. The second is knowing that we receive fulfillment from serving others, and how to do that from a place of love. The third part is about balance and what that looks like in your life.
Understanding Why it Feels Pointless
First of all, you need to really get to the heart of the matter. What isn't working? If you're complaining about not having any time to workout because you have to take care of the kids all day, the problem isn't the kids. The problem is in managing your time so you do have time to work out.
Listen to what you are complaining about and pay attention to what the problem really is. Don't avoid it, confront it. You have to know exactly what you want in order for it to work out.
The other part of this is, is it realistic? If you're complaining about something that you really want to do, but it's honestly not realistic in your current situation, you need to change your focus to problem solving.
For example, I really want to get my business to a point where it is profitable and I can work on it instead of in it so much. If I could work 8 hours a day, this would happen so much faster. But I have 5 kids. I am a mom and a wife. I have to be realistic and take care of my other responsibilities first. Someday, my dreams will come true. The slower I go, the more I am able to enjoy all aspects of my life. I know my future self would tell me to go slow. Once a day is gone, there's no getting it back.
Another area to look at to understand why things are feeling pointless is to notice how much you are taking care of you. Like, really. Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating healthy? Are you getting movement in your day? Do you go outside for fresh air? When is your solitude time? You are so important. You have to put yourself above everyone else. This is not being selfish. This is being smart. You have to take care of yourself.
Understanding why things feel pointless is getting to the heart of what the problem really is. It's the only way to fix it.
We Feel Fulfillment From Serving Others
This is a principle of life. It's just the way it is. Helping others makes us happy. But only if we can serve from a place of love. So how to you serve from love when everything feels pointless? You have to put yourself in a state of abundance.
The way I do this is to make a list of about twenty things I want in my life. Then, I go back and I sandwich in two or three things that I want that I already have. This is a little different from just expressing gratitude for things in your life. It makes you feel abundant.
If you are feeling frustrated with your kids or the housework, try focusing your list around those things to help you generate abundant feelings. Then, as you look at your list when you're feeling better, you can then ask yourself better questions.
What can you do to make something better? If someone needs help with a chore, what can you do to make it easier on them? If you see someone struggling with something, how can you help? This is putting yourself in a leadership position. What can you do to make the household run smoothly?
This is not so much in creating rules that everyone needs to follow. This is getting in there and doing the work yourself. I know this isn't what we want to hear, and that's okay. Our brains are programed to be lazy, to do what's easiest. But remember, fulfillment comes from helping others when you genuinely want to. If you want to be happier, if you want to sleep better, start serving those around you.
When things feel pointless we often stop serving. This compounds our problems. Get yourself into a state of abundance, and start showing up.
Get Back in Balance
Now, here is the thing with balance. You don't want to balance your life in the way that everything gets the same amount of time. That doesn't work. Life is based on your values, and so to balance your life, you need to give each area enough time, not equal time.
Another thing to remember with balance is that life has a natural ebb and flow, and this is going to affect your balance. Maybe your baby is going through a growth spurt, and now you have to spend more time feeding, and less time crafting.
So, what does getting back into balance mean? It means that if you want to grow your life in a certain area, you have to be willing to focus more in that one area to build up momentum. Maybe you would like to loose some weight. In the beginning, you are going to need to spend more time focusing on loosing weight and less time on buffering.
Getting back in balance means that you examine your life. Ask yourself what your ideal day would actually look like. What would you be spending your time doing? And then look at your reality. What is actually happening? Why is it happening? You can't change it until you understand it.
Remember, your life is lived according to your values. The more you examine yourself, the more your values will be shown to you. Spend time on what you need to spend time on. It's different for each individual.
When things feel pointless it's often because our lives are so out of balance. We'er not spending our time on what we hold to be the important things in life. The only person you have to measure up to is yourself. You only have to be good enough for you. When you start living according to your values and your life is balanced, it will feel purposeful again.
So, what's next?
You want to get out of the funk of feeling like everything is pointless. You want to have a sense of purpose in your life. Do not go searching for purpose! It's not 'out there' anywhere. It's inside of you. The more you show up and be who you authentically are, the more your purpose will inspire you. You will discover it.
Here's what I want you to do today:
Do a brain dump. Get everything out of you and onto paper. Write without editing. Whatever thoughts come to you, let them come. Don't try to organize them. Just let them out. Have compassion for yourself. Understand why you feel at the end of your rope. And then, spend some time thinking about what your ideal day would look like. If everything did work out, what would that look like? Think about it. What does balance look like to you?
If you want some worksheets, head over to the Resource Library. For balance, use the Category Worksheets to score yourself and find where you need to be spending your time.