Tell a Love Story on Purpose
Our lives are made up of stories. We are the ones who create our stories, so we are the ones who create our lives. Think about the story you are telling yourself about your love relationship. What is the theme of things? Is it supporting you? Do you feel like your relationship is amazing? Because here's the thing, you are the one who makes it amazing.
The way you feel is never because of what your spouse did or didn't do. The way you feel is always because of the thoughts you are thinking. Isn't that amazing? When I first understood this I was really depressed. It's so much easier to blame someone else for how we feel.
But it's when we take responsibility for our own life, for our own feelings, that life really gets amazing. Because we have the power to create the best that we can no matter what the circumstances are. Today, I want you to tell a love story on purpose. No matter what state your relationship may be in, you have the power to change things by changing your thoughts.
The best part is that you don't have to tell your spouse. They don't have to change. Adults are allowed to do whatever they want to do. It's up to us to be emotionally responsible and choose thoughts that serve us.
So what does being emotionally responsible in a love relationship look like? It looks like telling your love story on purpose. The concept is easy. Applying it in real life is the challenging part.
what's your story
The first step is to recognize what your current story is. You know, the one where you're like, poor me, I do all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and I'm stuck with the kids all day and when you come home all you do is sit on the sofa with your phone wah, wah, wah.
Or maybe you feel a bit like you are better than your spouse. I did this and this and this and I never make a mess and I always do things right and I would never do that. We have a sort of haughtiness about us. Believe me, I am so familiar with both of these.
So, recognize your story. Honestly, when I first realized the thoughts I was having about my spouse I was shocked. No wonder I didn't feel like sitting and visiting with him in the evenings. I was running a script that wasn't serving me at all. Half of the thoughts running through my head I didn't even realize I was thinking. Where were they even coming from? I knew I had to change.
Sometimes we can look to our past to help us feel better about where we are now so we can find a better future. I'll tell you what this looked like for me.
My husband used to work out of town, he would be gone all week and we would only see him on the weekends. It was so bleak. Now, he is home every night. It's so much better for me to remember that I want him to come home every night. That his presence does so much for our family, for our kids, and even for me.
Another thing that helped me change my script was to remember that I'm not better than anyone. Sometimes I might think I'm better than others, but that's really a lie. We are all souls inside bodies. Sometimes our bodies do things differently than others, but when it comes down to truth, we are all equal. And there's nothing we can do to change that.
Think about your story and really pick it apart. Ask yourself why you are choosing to tell that story, or to think those thoughts. Then think about your values to help you rescript your story.
Remember, your spouse doesn't have to change at all. He is still going to come home and do what he has always been doing. But you get to change your thinking about it and you get to feel better and that is amazing.
I value family. I value love. I have a vision of what kind of a mom I want to be for my kids. When I get stuck in a loop of feeling sorry for myself and not feeling love for my spouse, I stop showing up as the mom and the wife that I want to be.
When you can make it not about you, but about what you can do for your family, it becomes something bigger than you, and that's where the magic happens. But you have to feel love in order to want to show up.
make a list
Make a list of everything you love about your spouse. You might have to look for it, but it's there. Put on those rose colored glasses and look past what you don't like and find what you love.
When you were dating you would do anything for his attention. What were your thoughts then? People don't fall out of love. They change their thoughts. You were brought together for a reason, and instead of wondering what that reason is, just love being together because you're meant to be together.
I saw a video once where the speaker was talking about her husband and trying to find the love about him squeezing the toothpaste tube and leaving it curled up on the counter. She wanted him to flatten it out, from the bottom up. He could care less. In the end, she found love in the fact that he brushes his teeth. All the sudden she didn't care what the toothpaste tube looked like.
That is what I want you to do with your rose colored glasses. Make your list of everything you love about your spouse. Get as detailed as possible. What physical features do you love? Intellectual? What dates have been your favorite? What do you imagine your future to be like together?
pretend like you just met
This is going to contradict my previous mention of using the past to help you appreciate where you are now, but if you find it difficult to let go of the fact the he comes home and does x every single day, and you are sick of it, you are the one who needs to let it go.
What if you were dating, and this was the first time you were with him when he did x? Don't let your past stories ruin your present situation. You cannot control other people. It doesn't work (I've tried). Don't try to control them and don't try to manipulate them. Show up as who you want to be in the situation and allow space for love.
Do your job, and remember that you aren't any better than he is. We all have faults.
Tell your story again and again
When you recognize your current story and you make your list of loves, you can rescript your love story on purpose. How do you really want to feel about your relationship? Write it out and read it to yourself everyday. Keep thinking it so it's easy to believe it.
Remember, your brain doesn't like change. It's so easy to blame others for how we feel, but that's never the case. We are responsible for how we feel. Start telling yourself how you want to show up in your relationship and start showing up that way. Give your brain evidence, proof, that you have an amazing love story.
When you tell your love story on purpose you get to feel so much more love, and everyone benefits.