Start Dating + Fall In Love With Your Spouse Again
Think about your favorite date that you and your spouse experienced. Really remember it with all of your senses. What were you wearing? How was the weather? Where did you go? What did it smell like? How did you get there? What did you do? Why was that experience your favorite date? What made that moment so special? It is a beautiful thing when we can remember these moments.
I'm going to guess that that date didn't happen last weekend.
How long has it been since you have been on a really spectacular date? How long has it been since you went on any sort of date? For a long time I didn't date at all.
It felt frivolous. I don't like spending large amounts of money on food when I could get a week of groceries for the same price. It felt like a hassle. It took so much time to go pick up a sitter, go out for a couple hours, come home, pick up the sitter, bring her home, and then come home again. That sounds exhausting enough to make me want to just stay home. When our sitter had her drivers license, she also had a job, and it wasn't babysitting. Instead of finding a new sitter, we quit dating. Besides, money was tight + we were busy.
This was not a good thing to let happen.
I made an effort this summer to date again.
I didn't care what we did or where we went. I just wanted to start a dating habit. It isn't even about the date. It's about our RELATIONSHIP. We are partners. We are help mates one to another. We need to nurture our relationship.
Now, every Friday night is date night.
I love that our kids have come to expect this. We don't always have something grand + exciting to do, and we don't need to. What we need is to be present with each other.
We need time together without our kids. Time for quality conversations without interruptions. Before we started dating again, I had this apprehensive feeling, thinking that I had nothing to talk about. I had thoughts that I had nothing in common with my spouse, and I wouldn't even try to visit. Now, when I say that, it sounds so silly. Do not listen to those thoughts. They are false. You are on the same team. You are one. Remember that special date you experienced together? Talk about that.
Talk about being in love with each other.
Remember what it feels like to love someone unconditionally. When you put forth effort and love into your relationship, magic happens, and you both have so much to talk about that the time flies by and you're looking forward to next week. People do anything for those they love. One of the best things we do is to please whom we love. You see this in teenagers all the time. Get love-struck with your spouse again. Please each other. It's how you got started in the first place.
Remember that it isn't about the date, but about your relationship. If the whole sitter thing is really getting you then make your date happen at home. This is non-negotiable. This is your life + you need to take care. How can you fit quality time with your spouse in your week?
After the kids have gone to bed, you can make tea or hot cocoa, and date at home on a Friday night. Stay up late together. Read a book together. (We once read The Count of Monte Cristo together. That was super super fun. We are currently looking for another book to read together if you have any ideas!) You can play games or knit + tie flies together. Start a journal together. That would be so fun to read after you've been together for many many years. There are so many things to do, just open your heart and they will be shown to you. If you don't like staying up late, then get up early and have a quiet cup of coffee together before everyone else is up.
In a marriage 100% + 100% = 100%
You don't meet in the middle. You give 100% You get what you give. Put your focus on your relationship. Let the magic happen. Before you know it, you will be having spectacular dates again.