Why Your Spouse is More Important Than Your Kids
I have always held my husband to be more important than my kids. Actually, I might just have been selfish in this matter. The thing that comes to mind is how I refuse to have my kids sleep in my bed. It's one thing I have always drawn the line on. My bed is for me and my husband. Kids have their own beds. Because I have always been this way, it's never been a problem.
So when I came across this idea that your husband is more important than your kids, I thought I had it all down. But do I really? What about the other areas of our family life? And, does it really matter? Shouldn't we all just love each other? Today I took some time to evaluate and really see the value of keeping my husband more important than my kids.
Why your spouse is more important than your kids
Your spouse is more important than your kids because you and your spouse are a team. You need to be great leaders in your family. The better relationship you have with your spouse, the better relationships you will have as a family, together.
That's saying that a happy couple is equal to a happy family. Mom and dad set the tone for the household. You have to set that example. You have to show your kids what respect looks like. If it wasn't for you and your spouse, your kids wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for what you provide, they would have nothing.
I don't necessarily want you to go out and tell your kids that. That is only going to create resentment and feelings of lack. I just want you to be aware of the status of life. Mom and dad come first. Treat yourselves accordingly.
How to keep him more important
So, how do you actually do this? First of all, it doesn't mean that you be a mean mom. It doesn't mean that if you serve your spouse first, you're ignoring your kids. This means that you are showing your children how much you love and respect your husband. It shows them how much you appreciate him.
I'm also not saying that you need to serve your spouse first. You have to do what works in your family. But you can find ways to keep the respect and to teach the respect. There are many different ways to do this.
Pay attention to what you complain about, both in your head and verbally. Are you complaining about your spouse? Complaining has no point. It just makes you feel like crap. If you want the trash taken out, take it out. It takes less than a minute. If you really don't want to do it, chances are, if you ask him, he will do it for you.
A lot of times it's what goes unsaid that starts to make us feel upset. Because, when we don't say what we are thinking about, we create all sorts of ideas in our heads about what we think the other one should be doing. These so-called ideas are sentences in your brain called thoughts.
Your thoughts create your feelings. If you don't like how you are feeling, you have the power to change your thoughts. Notice that. Try it out.
The point here isn't to, say, love your spouse more than you love your kids. Love doesn't work that way, and isn't that a beautiful thing. Love multiplies. The point is that you set that good example to your children of what great leadership looks like.
If you don't know what great leadership looks like in your family, just ask yourself. If you were the best mom and the best wife, what would you be doing? How would you be showing up? This is different for everyone, so only you can answer what it would look like for you.
How to apply this in your life
There are a few ways to start implementing this in your life. The first is to commit to love. You have to commit to loving your spouse no matter what. This means that you don't try to change him. This means you give up trying to be right. This means that when he walks in the door at the end of the day, you greet him with love.
Think about little puppies and how excited they are to see their owner. You can walk out of the room, and as soon as you come back in, they are jumping for joy with excitement. Wouldn't it be cool if we could be like that with our spouses?
Another thing to do is to stop letting your kids sleep with you. You need a space to be alone with your spouse. A space where kids are not allowed. A space where you can be intimate. Where you can share your dreams and talk about your fears. A space where you can connect.
I'm not saying that all your conversations need to happen in bed. I'm saying that you need to respect each other and teach your children that they are capable and strong enough to sleep on their own. This will better prepare them for life, anyway.
Another way to apply this in your life is to have family meals together. When you sit at the table as a family, teach your children how to have interesting conversations. Talk about things that are on your mind. Listen with respect. This means to listen to understand, you don't have to agree. Don't let your children interrupt, but be sure to include them in the conversations. Dinner time is a great opportunity to show your children how much love you have for each other.
Yes, I have some homework for you. I know this is a touchy subject. Nobody likes to be told what to do, especially in the home life. The good news is that you don't have to change anyone. Think about some of the things in here. How do they make you feel? What would your ideal family life be like? Really think about that. If every circumstance was still the same, what would make your days feel fun and effortless? Your homework is to journal about this.
Just get your thoughts out so you can see what you want your ideal life to look like. Writing it down will help it come into your life. Be open to the possibility.