The First Step to Make Friends


One of the key life areas that I am working on is my social life. I am really into trying to live a balanced life and when I score myself, my social score is always low for my expectations. I ask myself, 'Why is it so hard for me to make friends?'  I don't like that question because it focuses on the problem + not the solution. If I want more friends I need to be my own friend first. Today's post is about liking yourself so that you can receive others liking you. Set aside some time with your journal and discover yourself.


have good self esteem

  1. Think about yourself through the eyes of a loved one. How do you think they see you?

  2. How do you see yourself when you are with that loved one?

  3. If they are different, why is that? How do you actually want to be?

You can't make people like you, but you can choose to show up the way you want to be and let them make their choice. If I have company over and someone doesn't take an offered cup of coffee, I'm not going to insist that they choke one down. People are entitled to their own likes + dislikes. You are a person, so this applies to you too. (That's good news!) So, if it's okay if not everyone likes you, and it's okay to be YOU, who are you? How are you going to show up? What impression do you want to leave with every person who sees and talks to you? You are entirely up to you.

improve your self esteem

  1. Make a list of anything and everything you are proud of about yourself

  2. Make a list of your achievements

  3. Confirm your goals and values daily

  4. Focus on what you want and ask how

We can all find something that we like about ourselves if we look. I like my feet. I don't know if anyone else does, and that's okay. I like my feet. I love my hair when it's wet. I love that I like to get up early and that first cup of coffee when it's still dark outside and the house is quiet. Look at you + in you, find what you like. Write it down.

If you don't have any achievements then focus on the skills required for whatever it is that you want to achieve. When you read your goals and values, do it fully, visualize the state you will be in once they are complete or at a level 10.

And when you're working on them, remember to focus on the solution and ask how.

be interesting

  1. Do interesting things. Be rememberable

  2. Be interested in other people

  3. Reach out to people

When you take care of your self esteem, you will be interesting. You will be working on achievements (hobbies) and you will have fun talking about them. And when other people talk to you about what they are doing, it's your turn to take interest in what they have to say. You don't have to agree or like it, but listen with respect + curiosity.

And this last part, reach out to people, it so important. Do this IN REAL LIFE. Being social online is not being social in real life. You have a real life, you want real friends. This means reaching out + inviting someone over. Make a date for coffee. Schedule it, or it will not happen. So often I hear myself saying, 'Welcome over!', and really meaning it, but time keeps going by and unless I actually schedule it, I'm not social. I love staying home. I love being a hermit.

I think it sounds so romantic to live in a lighthouse by the sea or on an island or some remote place in Alaska. But, I also know that where I am right now is exactly where I need to be, and that everything I need is here too. Sometimes we have to make extra effort and do things we aren't totally comfortable doing (being social) because we can learn + grow and fulfill our lives.

this will help you have more friends

Being social is different for each one of us. Some people thrive on being social. Think about how you would score your social life from 1 to 10. If it's a 10, do you need to let it go for a while and focus on other areas of your life? Or can you bring it up to a 20? If you are like me, and it's really low, know that you are the only one in your way. Make the choice to love yourself a little more each day.

And if you didn't write in your journal yet, ask when can you have 15 minutes of uninterrupted time to journal. Make a fresh cup of coffee or tea. Get to know yourself. Even if you feel like you have good self esteem, make time to do this. I think you will be glad.