Defining Your Roles

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In the past I have used a Franklin Planner. I did a lot of Stephen Covey’s work. One thing I found to be really helpful was to define the roles in my life. A role in your life would be anything you are, such as a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a granddaughter. These are roles, and if we take the time to define them, we will know how we really want to show up for them.

Last week we did this for our relationship with ourself. Today, we are going to take a bit of a different approach and do as Stephen Covey teaches. The roles we are going to cover are your responsibilities, your relationships, and wherever else you contribute.

You get to define your roles in a way that serves you. When you think about defining your roles, think about how you would show up on the ideal day.

If you are a mom, what kind of a mom do you want to be? If you were the best mom according to YOUR standards, what things would you be doing?

How would you show up in your other relationships? It’s okay if you are not actually showing up in this way right now. Today we are just going to that place where everything is perfect and it feels good to be a mom. It feels amazing to be married to your spouse.

So you have your role, and you have your idea of how you want to show up.

Now, your brain is going to want to tell you that you can’t show up that way because your life isn’t perfect and it doesn’t feel like showing up in that way is available to you.

What I want to suggest is that it doesn’t matter what your life is like right now.

You can still decide to show up as if it’s perfect.

Maybe that’s exactly why you should show up as the best version of you.

Maybe, if you do show up as if it’s perfect, you will become aligned with the person you really want to be.

When you can do that, that is when your life will start to shift.

I remember this happening for me.

I couldn’t get anything done during the day because my kids were waking at night and I was too tired.

I blamed the way I was feeling on my kids.

I blamed the way the house was on my kids.

When I took responsibility for how I wanted to show up, no matter what was actually going on, my life started getting better.

Even though I was tired, I still got up early.

Even though it felt pointless to clean, I still cleaned.

Even though it felt pointless to cook, I still cooked.

Before I knew it my kids were sleeping through the night. I was still waking early and now I didn’t feel tired. My morning time became MY time. I looked forward to it everyday.

I created the habit of cleaning up the house no matter what every evening. I had the kids help me and it didn’t even take very long.

Now I had quiet mornings in a clean house.

When I first started cooking it seemed like the kids always wanted cereal. I told them they had to try whatever I made, but they didn’t have to eat all of it.

Most of the time they would end up eating all of it because I wasn’t trying to control them. If they didn’t like it, they could make something else themselves, but it couldn’t be cereal.

This is what I mean when I talk about the compound effect.

This is what I mean when I say the first step is so hard and so important.

Once you define your roles and you know how you really want to show up, you can figure out why you’re feeling the way you are when things are out of wack.

For me, it was important to have my solitude. It was important to me to have a clean house. It was important to me to cook dinner.

These are things I value.

When you take the time to understand and define your roles and you start living by what you value, your life will start taking shape.

You start finding enjoyment and you come up with creative ideas. 

You will discover your passion only when you are aligned.

And it all starts with defining your roles.


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