The theme this month is relationships and I think attraction is so important. It’s so easy to think that we just ‘fell’ in love and that we could fall out of love just as easily. But the problem with this way of thinking is that it’s completely out of our control.
It is a truth that attraction is a feeling. We know our feelings come from our thoughts. So the only way to begin feeling attracted to someone is to begin entertaining thoughts about them.
This is what happened when we fell in love with our spouse. We started thinking thoughts that created the feeling of attraction.
When we understand this we can take back the ownership of our feelings. We take back responsibility. We get it that the way we feel is because of our own thinking, and not because of what the other person is doing or not doing.
This isn’t just for the marriage. This is for all friendships. All relationships. When you like someone, you are attracted to them. You are attracted to them because you are thinking good thoughts about them. Spend some time thinking about someone you like. Why do you like this person? List the reasons. Those are all your thoughts.
Do you know anyone who doesn’t like this person? The chances are yes. That is because they have different thoughts than you do. It has nothing do to with the person.
That is a good thing because this is also true about you.
People who like you have good thoughts about you. People who don’t like you have negative thoughts about you. Whether they like you or not has nothing to do with you. It has to do with what is going on in their brain.
Our thoughts are optional.
Did you know that?
So if you have a relationship with someone that you really don’t like but you think life would be a whole lot easier if you did like them, you can make it easier by changing your thoughts.
You don’t even have to tell them.
They don’t have to change. They can keep being who they are.
You just start having thoughts that create attraction. You become attracted to them. When I say attracted here I’m not talking sexually. I’m talking about you wanting to be in their presence.
But it can also definitely be sexual. If you don’t feel attracted to your spouse, you can change that. You can brainstorm love and figure out what that would be like for you.
You can write your love story and how you want it to go.
Remember, you are not changing him. He still gets to do and be who he is. You only change what is going on in your brain.
Attraction is a choice we keep making everyday.
It has everything to do with you.
What would it be like to feel attracted to everyone who is in your life?
What would it be like if you honestly felt like everyone was your best friend and you loved spending time with them?
You can’t wait for your kids to wake up so they can play while you clean the house.
You can’t wait for your hubby to get home so he can sit on the sofa and chill while you finish cleaning up.
You can’t wait to get groceries so you can make small talk with the cashier.
Pay attention to your thoughts that come up when you read those.
If you’re thinking it’s not going to be fun cleaning the house when the kids are home, let alone when they are playing, WHY NOT?
How can YOU change so it is fun? How can you change so you enjoy being around them?
If this feels so far out of reach to you, let’s talk about it.
I’m telling you, the only thing that has to change is the way you are thinking about it.
I know because I have been there.
I hated having kids. I dreaded the hour my kids would come home from school and I didn’t know how I would survive summer. I used to wonder why God gave me kids when there are so many other women who would give anything to have just one of their own.
I know what it’s like to feel annoyed by their presence, and I also know how amazing it can feel to be in their presence.
You’re a mom and if you are like I was, maybe you don’t enjoy being a mom, but for sure you will never not be there for your kids.
I can help you want to be there. I can help you figure out what is going on in your mind that is creating this feeling of not wanting to be there so you can change it.
Maybe it’s not your kids. Maybe it’s your spouse or a friend or your mother-in-law.
Whoever it is you want to feel attracted to, I can help you.
They don’t have to know. They don’t have to change.
We only work on you and that will change your life.
Here’s to feeling attractive.
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